You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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