She announced her abortion via fbk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
