mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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