I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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