pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
