Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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