I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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