I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
