Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
