I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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