if only i could text you this smell
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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