The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
