textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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