Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
