there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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