i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
