How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
