I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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