I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
