Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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