The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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