Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
