I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
