im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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