I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
