47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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