Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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