The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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