I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
