You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
