i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
