she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
