bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
