I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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