Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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