he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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