I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
