sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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