You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize