Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
