the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
