last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
