My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
