So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
