Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
