i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it was like eating out sand paper
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wish there were birth control emojis
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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