garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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