So drunk its hurt
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
