I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
