Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
