you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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