Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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