I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize