i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
