where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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