no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
