From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
