News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize