carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
