it wasn't lemon gatorade
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
