She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
