he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize