Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
