KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
