Your mouth is God's brothel.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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