We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
