fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
