"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
