i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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