I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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