I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
