You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
