that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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