so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
